from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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