Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
