he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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