I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
