Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
