I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
