found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love you. Go after that dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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