I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
