Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
