U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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