I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Will exercising make me less horny?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
