I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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