after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I did not marry a roomba.
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