Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
