i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
