Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
