cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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