Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
