i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
