If i come over, it means nothing
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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