How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
