How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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