Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
