when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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