My Higher Power is John Stamos
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
