My balls are so social today.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
