Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
