I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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