Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
