im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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