Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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