I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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