were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
