We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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