You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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