it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
