So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
