i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
