The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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