you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
