Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
