Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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