After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
