i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
