he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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