The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
