I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
