I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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