Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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