fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
