It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
