I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
