Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
