Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
