For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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