Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
