Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize