That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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