wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
