If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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