apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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