My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
