thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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