Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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