Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
